Only 4 weeks left until baby Hannah Kate comes! To be completely honest, the last four weeks have been so challenging, emotional, and hard. Four weeks ago I got whatever stomach bug Kiley had and lost 7 pounds in two days. I couldn't keep liquid or anything down and my Doctor told me to go to the hospital. I went and they hooked me up to all the monitors and I was having contractions from dehydration. They gave me a couple of bags of fluid before I had to go to the bathroom. A few bags of fluid later the contractions had stopped, I was able to hold down a little fluid and crackers and we headed home.
The doctor had told me to try the B.R.A.T. Diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast) for a few days to help my stomach. I did and then tried eating other food. Every time I ate something else, I threw up or had diarrhea. So I reverted back to the B.R.A.T. Diet (I have been able to add peanut butter and chicken breast). Fast forward FOUR WEEKS..... I am STILL on it. I have tried to come off a few times, and each time I get sick. Needless to say I am very ready to eat something else! I also can't eat a lot of food (even if it is just the BRAT), so I have had zero energy and have been irritable and very emotional. I have lost more weight..... I am in my last trimester so I am supposed to be gaining the most right now. The doctor told me that the baby is getting what she needs and is growing, even if I am losing. He said that this is not a symbiotic relationship, but a parasite.
This pregnancy has definitely been a test. The whole pregnancy has been pretty hard and physically and emotionally draining. It has been a season where I have been praying if there was something God was trying to teach me. After lots of prayer, reading, and emotions, God has revealed something that He has taught me through this time.
There are somethings that I "know" in my head, but have not fully sank into my heart. One of these is the feeling that I need to be perfect to be loved, especially by my hubby. I completely know that Chris loves me and I am so blessed that God brought us together. But somehow I have let lies creep in, that in order for him to be happy with me I needed to be the "perfect" housewife.... like there is such a thing. I began to put unrealistic expectations on myself and it was draining me. Through this pregnancy, God has put me on my back, not able to "DO" a whole lot, but only able to BE. And through this process I have found more freedom in knowing that I am loved not for what I do, but for who I am. I don't have to look perfect, have a clean house, cook great meals, etc etc to be loved. I can fail, make mistakes, be super emotional and even irritable..... and the world is not going to FALL apart, my marriage is not going to fall apart. There is so much beauty in forgiveness, so much freedom in knowing that even if I blow it, there is opportunity for growth, love, and grace!
I love this picture- the kids and Chris put handprints on my belly! I had in my head that this was going to be a sweet time together. This was the only picture we got. Unfortunately I did not get the picture that i wanted- one with all of my family with me. It did not end to well, with tears from a few, attitudes, and a rough few hours after. When I look at this picture it reminds me of what love is. Even though Christ's love IS perfect, our love is not. We make mistakes, say harsh words, get attitudes, make faces; we can be unloving or disrespectful; and when all of us "mess up" back to back, it can make for a painful and hard minute, hour, or day. BUT, love perseveres through, always finding a way to protect, be humble, give grace, and forgive. Yes, we mess up, but it is what we do in the rebound. And that is what makes love never fail. GOD equips us with what we need, and for that, I am so thankful! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my family and am beyond blessed by my husband and kids. I can't wait to welcome Hannah Kate into this world, our family!
A few pictures from EASTER- HE HAS RISEN!!!
Family at the Church Easter egg hunt in Berkeley Lake, GA. I grew up with this as a tradition and have many memories here!
An Easter Basket from NA, since they know that the Easter Bunny is just for fun and not "real". Kiley was super excited about the megapack of stickers!!!
AND our newest tradition.... Resurrection Rolls. Super easy with a great hands on, visible message.
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