Raw Emotions

It has been over two weeks since we have been back from Kenya.  I was overwhelmed with love from Chris and Curtis and Kiley when I returned!  I cannot even put into words what I felt when I saw them and they all gave me hugs and kisses.... overwhelming love and joy doesn't even describe it, knowing how truly blessed I am! 
Since I have been back, my emotions at times seem pretty raw.  The faces of many of the children, their stories, the pain, the redemption, the needs, I pray I will never forget!!  I want to talk about my trip, but I feel like I am still processing so much I cannot even put it into words.  I want to pack everyone up and move to Africa! 

Right now my emotions range from joy, gratefulness, excitement, to saddness, frustration, impatience and anger.  God is working on me so much right now, having to fully rely on HIM, knowing that there is a purpose for everything and HE is breaking my heart over and over- which, though painful, I know is a good thing. 

When I see people being mistreated or pushed to the side (or worse, when I see myself doing this), when I look in the mirror and see that I have been a stumbling block for someone else or have hurt someone, when I find myself caring too much about what others think or how I look, when I see parents teaching their children things that are far from God's truth, when I look into my life and the lives of this nation and see the frivilous spending and materialism while so many go without the basic necessities, when I see a hurting child, when I stumble with something I thought I was "over", and so much more.

Right now is the beginning of football season, and my emotions are everywhere with this.  It is fun to cheer for a team, and I like being with my hunny watching together!  But when I see a stadium full of people jumping up and down and screaming for a team ... and then watch people just going through the motions as they praise the ONLY ONE worthy of PRAISE, my heart begines to rip!!!  Not that there is anything wrong with getting excited about a team, but can't we, as Christians be more excited about God?  We should be jumping up and down, raising our hands, on our faces, PRAISING the great I AM!  God always reminds me that HE sees into the heart, but what is in the heart should be SPILLING out!!!!  I am so thankful for God picking me up and saving me from myself I want to jump up and down and praise HIM for His faithfulness!  HE is worthy of undignified praise (2 Sam 6:21-22)!  Father forgive me for the times I have let fear of judgement keep me from praising you even when I might "look" silly.  Praying that I will let go of all fear of judgement from others and worship with uncontained joy- let what is IN MY HEART spill over in my outward praise!!!!!

Sometimes my emotions are ugly, raw, and overwhelming.  And I lift these up, give them to God, to DO something with them- change me, use them for His glory, or whatever He desires.  I know that HIS way is perfect (Psalm 18:30) and I am thankful that HE is not done with me yet (Phil 1:6).  He is molding me, making this "mess" into a beautiful masterpiece (Eph 2:10)!  THANK YOU JESUS!

Little Eden's

Thursday was Day 4 at Little Edens.  We all fell more in love with the kids and our hearts continued to be broken in different ways.  About half way through the day I began feeling sick and about an hour before we left I threw up.  When we got back I layed down and fell asleep and woke up when everyone was eating dinner.  That day is already a little of a blur.  Esther gave her testimony and Rica gave the devotion, they were both absolutely amazing! 


Friday was our last day at Little Eden's. We had a wonderful day, but it was also a sad day because we knew we would not be coming back, atleast anytime soon!

This is Eunice and Sara.  They don't want to let go of my arms when I am holding them.  They are so sweet!

They wanted to see how many kids we could get in the picture with ME taking it!

 
                                                                   

Me and Sara

Jesus loves the Little Children

DAY 3 at EDEN’s (Wed)

What an amazing day today!  I woke up extra early to spend extra time with God.  Last night and this morning he just held me and spoke truth to me over  all of the lies that satan had been throwing my way the last two days.  I am blessed that HE broke me, so that HE could fill me with Him. 

 At the orphanage today we played with some of the kids and waited for the rest to get back from school.  Lisa, Brooklyn and I folded laundry.  My heart broke with each piece I folded.  Each piece contained holes and stains.  And not just little holes.  The clothes that we were folding for these precious children were clothes that the rest of us would not have even taken to Goodwill or tried to sell at a yard sale.  No, they would have been clothes that belonged in the garbage.  I want to do something about it!  Surely we could do a Fundraiser back home to buy new clothes for these sweet children. 

 We did our music with them and then split to do games and crafts.  I LOVE how God orchestrates our activities and am thankful for a team that is so willing to “adjust” and be flexible! 

When we were outside playing with the kids I noticed a fairly large group of kids standing at the gate of the orphanage with looks of longing on their sweet, filthy faces.  These were the village kids.  In this area, the kids in the orphanage are the “haves” and the kids in the village are the “have nots.”  Two of the boys I have been playing with everyday from the village have worn the same thing every day we have been there, and I have a feeling that is there only outfit.  It is tattered, smelly, and stained.

"Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”- Mark 10:14  

 I walked over to love on them.  Some of them were scared and started walking away.  I got our my camera and said “do you want to see this?”  They quickly came to me to see my camera.  I asked them if they wanted me to take their picture and show it to them.  The older ones said “ya” and spoke Swahili to the younger ones.  After I took their picture I showed it to them, then I told them, “Did you know that every one of you is beautiful and God loves you so much!  You are here for a purpose!”  I know God is crazy about each of the kids.  God, redeem them, bring them to YOU and give them an eternal perspective in all things so that they may spread Your love!  I went around the group asking ages, that if you were 4 or 5 years old, raise your hand and so on.  Most were nine or ten.  The oldest was Esther, and she is 13.  Then she asked me how old I am.  I told her 29 years old.  Her jaw dropped and she put her hand over her mouth and giggled.  I started laughing with her and I asked her how old she thought I was.  She said thirteen ;)))  She thought we were the same age!!  I gave her a big hug and we laughed.  I told her I had to get a picture with her so I could remember our laughter together.

After our sweet laughter, I looked down at the precious feet of these children.  I could see their toes poking out of holes and when I looked at the bottom of their show, most of it was missing.  I fought back tears for these precious children of God.  Brooklyn came out with some suckers and when we were giving them to them, they pushed each other to get to the front.  I am sure this is  not a regular thing and I wonder if that was the only thing they would eat for today.

At 3:30pm we left to go back to where we were staying.  We ate and then prepared for our Devo time.  I was scheduled to give my testimony.  I was already so emotional from the day and was already in tears.  Gwen and I lead music... "Healing is in Your Hands", "Forever Reign" and "New Song we Sing".  We talked about the day and then I got up to give my testimony.  I had to leave so much out due to time, but as I was reading it, like always, God reminded me of His sovereignty, His grace, His love for a sinner like me.  How blessed I am that not only did He save me, but He changed me!!!  I was blessed by everyone after coming up to me and affirming me.  God is good all the time!

Then melanie got up to give her Devo.  It was amazing how what she spoke of perfectly went with my testimony- you would think there might be a divine intervention here or something!  Go God!  She spoke of God's redemtion and coined the phrase "Not free baggage, but baggage free."  We talked out leaving our "baggage" here in Africa- because it is not like we could come around the corner and pick it back up.

THANK YOU, Jesus for who You are and what You have done!  Help our team to shine Your love and Your light everywhere we go!  May we bring You glory and praise in all we do!

Changing an Ugly Heart

DAY 2 at EDEN’S ORPHANAGE

 Today was a different day.  One filled with tears, but knowing God is doing a work in me.  Today reminded me of my sinful nature and my struggle with my flesh.

When we got to the orphanage today the kids were not there.  We got to play again with the village kids who came to play outside of the orphanage.  The kids did not show up when they were supposed to, the school held them longer (when we were driving in we saw them outside their school lugging wood, so we thought that the school was putting them to work?).  So we “adjusted” (insert pull rubber band here;)) our schedule.  We all gathered to do praise music and learn some moves and it was a fun and sweet time.  The kids taught us some songs and when we sang Amazing Grace they sang it in Swahili too.  It was so touching being able to praise together!  After music we did the Bible lesson all together.  Rica and Katie taught on the Story of the Loaves and Fish.  I have read this story, I have taught this story, and today God gave me new ears to truly hear this in a different way than ever!  All of our team was crying as she was bringing the Truth.  She had a basket and passed it around with goldfish.  I wish I had gotten it on video because it was beyond touching.  God was speaking through her!

Meet my sisters in Christ Eunice and Mary.......

 

After we played with the children we packed up to go and headed to a little shop on our way to where we are staying.  The people were definitely “sales” people and quoted really high prices, but in most cases we were able to get the price down close to where we wanted to pay.  After I bought a few things I stepped outside to look at the view of the mountains.  One of the “salesmen” came up to me and a few of the gals and asked if we had a Bible he could have.  At first it was cool and I wanted to give him one.  As I was walking to the car I heard a different sales man asking another one of our team members for a Bible, and then I heard another man ask, then another.  I immediately perked up, and INSTEAD of thinking, “God You are awesome!  Help us minister to these men.”  I thought more along the lines of, “They are just trying to get free Bibles so they can sell them and make money.”  WOW!  Was that me?  Was that MY thoughts?  Yes, yes, it was.  I completely lost that opportunity to minister to these men and show them God’s love!  I missed it!  I missed the “opportunity” God gave me (Col 4:5-6).  So what if they were to sell those Bibles, God is bigger and has a purpose for everything.  I could have given him my Bible and bought a new one for myself, easily!  My heart broke over this tonight as I realized that my heart was hard tonight when I responded to these men!  I have been praying for God to break my heart for what breaks His- and HE is doing so!  What did I do that broke God’s heart?  I was selfish and prideful and wasted a God-given opportunity to love on others and give them YOUR Word!!  THAT breaks His heart!  I am thankful that God loves me and forgives me and that He is working in my life!  Thank YOU, Jesus that “He who began a good work in you (me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”- Phil 1:6

Today I have also been under attack.  In areas I have struggled before, satan  is whispering sweet, smooth LIES in my ear!  Yesterday and today I struggled in fighting against these lies.  I am choosing to “ take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ”- 2 Cor 10:5  I know that I have victory through Jesus  (1 Cor 15:57), that I am a new creation in Christ (2 Cor 5:17), and that God is crazy about me (the Bible!!)!

 Thankful for a broken and renewed heart. Thankful that God does not require me to be perfect, but it is by grace!  Thankful for God’s love and forgiveness, for family back home whom I greatly miss, for friends, for the opportunity to do God’s work,  for the people of Kenya and the numerous children and orphans here and all over the world, for contagious smiles, for loving hugs, for YOUR WORD, that is living and active, shaper than any double edged sword!  I am thankful that I do not have to "change" on my own power, but it is through God's power!!!!

I am truly realizing how much I need Africa more than Africa needs me!  God is using this opportunity in a way that I did not see coming!

(8/7/2012 at 5:05pm central, 1:05 Kenya time)

FIRST DAY AT LITTLE EDEN'S ORPHANAGE

FIRST DAY WITH THE CHILDREN

When we got to the orphanage the children were not there because they were at school taking exams.  While they were gone, we packed care bags for them with the supplies that we brought.

When we were done,  Mike and Sylvia took us on a tour of the facilities and land.  While they were showing us everything I saw two women behind the fence (out of their property and into the village).  I tried to take their picture and they wanted to hide their face and began to walk away.  Denise and I tried to talk to them to get them to come back  and they would not say a word.  Then I yelled to them across the fence “You are beautiful!!”  Both of them yelled back “thank you” and then proceeded to let all of us take pictures of them.

I wonder if they are told that they are beautiful???  That they are God’s masterpiece and that HE is crazy about them!!!!

We got to visit the kids in the village today before we got to play with the kids at Eden’s Orphanage.  I loved their BIG white grins, the way they laughed when we tickled them, and their playfulness.

After this, we walked back to the Orphanage as the kids were returning from school and we got to play with them, do VBS, and love on them.

One of the girls sat in my lap during our Bible story and held both of my hands so tightly.  When we got up she wrapped her arms around me and wanted to be so close.  Her name is Sara and she is a precious child of God.

Each child has 2 small cubes to put all of their stuff in.  The cubes were not even filled 1/8 full.

I am so thankful for the small amount of laundry that I have to do every day.  This is what these women do all day every day!!!  I want to frame this and hang this in my laundry room!

The kids in Africa are so joyful for what they have to play with.  It was a joy to see them tie a rope on a pole to play jump rope, to see kids rolling tires down the street for fun, to be completely content not having any toys, but making do with what they can.  It was a blessing to see how they are so welcoming and attentive to others, wanting to share and play with everyone.  It is so hard to swallow.  They don’t need “stuff” to make them happy, they don’t need more stuff to have fun.  ALL of their clothes were torn with stains.  And they consider themselves blessed.  Silvia was talking about how they have to try to keep the village kids out of the building because they steal for the kids since the orphans have more than the village kids.

How many times do we buy stuff that we don’t need, but just want.  This has been more of a sobering day, seeing not just pictures in a book about these precious children, but touching them, holding them, laughing with them, singing praises with them! 

Thank YOU, Jesus for this opportunity!  Thank You that You formed each of these children and You know them by name.  YOU will not forget them, for You are our Almighty, sovereign Father!  Thank You for being in control… there is no way I could do this without You!  Lord, continue to break my heart for what breaks Yours.  Speak TRUTH into me as I continue to fight off lies that I know are not from You!  Thank You for a sweet husband that writes sweet notes and hides them in my suitcase for me to find on my trip!  Thank You for my family!

(8/6/2012  5:15pm central time; 8/7/2012  1:40am Kenya time)

A Trip of Delays

"A Trip of Delays" knowing that God has orchestrated each one!

HUNTSVILLE TO CHICAGO (2hr flight)

4 ppl in our group could not get their tickets from Huntsville to Chicago.   It took 1.5 hrs before they were able to finally get it fixed. We thought they were going to have to drive to Chicago to make the next flight.

CHICAGO TO LONDON (7.5 hr flight)

 The flight was delayed one and a half hours due to a smoke detector in the bathroom  that was needing to be fixed.

LONDON TO NAIROBE (8.5 hr flight)

Arrived in London and was running to our gate and heard them announce that they were closing the gate to the Kenya flight.  BUT…. we made it! We did not have our boarding passes yet, so they had to print all of them out. They couldn't find Chrissy’s name on the list of the passengers, but they eventually let her go through anyways.

-The plane was delayed for one hour waiting on air traffic.

IN KENYA

We arrived in Kenya but our bags didn't ;) Waited for 3.5 hours while filling out paperwork to get our luggage the next day.

We were supposed to stay at the Grace House that night so we wouldn’t travel too far at night, as they say it can be dangerous.  Plans changed as the people who were in the Grace House never checked out so we didn’t have rooms.  We stayed at a little place about 20 min from  the airport.

Here has been my schedule (AND I will call it in Huntsville time… Kenya is 8 hours ahead of central time) …

Friday woke up at 4:50am  to get ready to leave for the airport....

During the flights I only slept about 2.5 hours.

So, after we got settled in where we were going to sleep for the night  it was Saturday after 5:30pm.  That night I got 3- 4 hrs sleep with a few wake ups. 

-Even through all of these delays, lack of sleep, and probably not enough water or food, our entire team  has remained so joyful and excited, knowing that none of this took God by surprise and that “God’s way is perfect”- Psalm 18:30

 For Church on Sunday morning , we went to a Baptist Church in Nairobi.  It was gated and had guards at the entrance to give pat downs and check bags.  (When I took a picture of the church, the guard came up to me and told me not to take any for security purposes.  THANK YOU, JESUS that we do not have to worry about this where we live!  Forgive me for taking this for granted!)   Their worship was unhindered, with people loudly and boldly praising the name of Jesus.  One of the songs that we sand and recognized was “Holy, Holy, are You Lord God Almighty.”   The Pastor  preached on adoption and talked about orphans.  They had someone who had adopted 2 children come up and give their testimony.  They had no idea we were going to be there, and the sermon was perfect!

Here are some of my bullet points:

·         In Kenya there are 2.1 million orphans

·         Only 200 adoptions happen every year (0.04%)

·         There are 720 orphan homes

·         The ratio in the Orphan homes is 1 person to 20-25 children!!!!!!  Think about that, they truly only have time to change them, bathe them, and feed them!  There would be no time to truly influence, care and nurture these PRECIOUS children!

·         We sit comfortably in our homes and think that it is a “right” (to sit comfortably in our homes).

After Church they came to us and wanted us to come down stairs to fellowship!  What a sweet time as they served us tea and coffee and got to chat!

Hearing the couple talk about their adoption was touching.  They talked about the “stigma” of adoption  in Kenya.  They talked about how you don’t have to be “rich” or have a big home to adopt.  Just being in Nairobi for one day and seeing the EXTREME poverty is humbling.  There was not really a “good” part of town, well atleast in the way we use that term in the United States.  Everything is gated- churches, businesses, large housing complexes.  And not just gated, but gated with atleast one armed guard. 

We drove by the biggest “slums” in Nairobi- tiny  mud huts where they have no water.

As we were driving I saw one really large cemetery and asked our driver, Simon, about it.  I learned that there is only one cemetery for all of Nairobi.  If you own your own land you are considered “rich” and are buried on your land.  If you are poor, you are buried in the cemetery.

We went to an African elephant orphanage that is just open one hour on Sundays.  I met "David"- a sergeant who helps protect in this area.

 

What a whirlwind of the last couple days!

We are now at the place we will be staying for the week, but they said we not be staying in the same room each night. We are rolling with the punches and being flexible and joyful, knowing that Gods plan is sovereign!   Blessed are the flexible for they shall never be bent out of shape ;)))

God is good.   My heart is already broken and we haven't even been to the orphanage yet. We leave tomorrow morning for the first day at the orphanage.

I pray that God will use us to radiate HIM through me and our entire team. Praying for our hearts to be broken and ready to be filled by God!

Filled with thankfulness tonight!  For hospitality and coffee with brothers and sisters in Christ, thankful for our driver who joyfully answers my hundreds of questions about Kenya and the people there, thankful for a wonderful team for such a time as this, thankful for a loving and supportive husband , mother, and  mother-in-law, who is spending his time loving on the kids while I am away, thankful for a warm meal, thankful for dried fruit, bottled water, clean water at home, bug spray, a blanket for cold nights, and my list could go on and on and never end because God has blessed me more than I deserve! 

More than any of these blessings, that will all fade, I am thankful for a God who loves me enough to let me be involved in His plan to give Him glory, for a God whom I find my identity in, for a God who is sovereign and even when I face a mountain, HE knows what is on the side.  A faithful, loving Father to whom I put my trust in!  I am one “rich” girl!

Written   (8/5/2012  5:15 pm central time, 8/6/2012  1:15am Kenya time)!

We leave TOMORROW!!!!!!

My head is spinning round and round trying to tie up any loose ends that need to be done before I leave.  Praying for wisdom and strength to complete what NEEDS to be done, and to be able to let the rest go!  There is so much I want to do before I go, but in all transparency, most of it is out of fear that something will happen and I won't come back.  I am so thankful that GOD has this, no matter what, HE love Curtis and Kiley and Chris and all of my family more than I do and I know HE has a PERFECT plan! 

JOSHUA 1:9    "The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

God is already in Africa.  He is everywhere in between.  He is faithful, He is loving, He is mighty, He is sovereign.  He has called me to GO, He has called me to love, He has called me to speak of Him, to be joyful and to have faith in Him!  Lord HERE I AM, send ME!  Thank you for letting me be a part of shinning Your light and showing Your love!  May everythng I say and do come from You!  Lord, where I am weak I know that You are strong and that YOU will be glorified!  Father, fill me with You, so that I will splash joy, love, kindness, gentleness and peace on everyone You put in my path!  Open my eyes to the brokenhearted, the captives, those in bondage, those in need of love.  Use me to show them YOUR never failing, never-quiting, always and forever love!

ISAIAH 61 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor."

Lord, I will follow you!  Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. (Ruth 1:16) 

2 DAYS LEFT!!! and prayers for Nolan

In TWO days we will be boarding the plane to make our way toward Africa!  I am excited to see what God has in store for our team and praying that He will use us to LOVE on everyone we come in contact with.  Lord, break each of our hearts for what breaks Your heart!!!!  Let this trip not just be something to "check the box off," but let it spark something in us that will let us NOT be the same!  And let it not just affect us, but may we come back and begin a wave in our Church, circle of friends, and community that will have an ETERNAL difference!

Today as I am finishing packing and preparing for my trip, my heart, thoughts, and prayers are also very focused on my sweet friend Ashley and her family as she awaits to hear the results today from her sweet baby Nolan's biopsy.  The "waiting" game is sometimes the hardest place to be.
Lord, give Ashley and Micheal complete peace and joy in this!  Thank you for them and the glory they are giving to you through this trial!  Thank you for the blessings you have given them through this- continue to shower your love as only YOU can do!  Be with Addison and Hayden as their parents attention is not as focused on them right now.  Lord, step in where they need something!  Help them to feel so loved right now!  God, I thank you that YOU love every child MORE than their parents... this is so hard for me to fully comprehend, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is true, and I praise You for it!  Your word says "He sent His Word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." (Ps 107:20)  If there is disease in Nolan's body, I pray that YOU, Father, would touch Him with Your healing power and bring Nolan to full health!  Give the doctors and Ashley and Micheal FULL knowledge and wisdom on how to proceed with the answers they get from the tests!  Give their family a sense of YOUR loving presence that far outweighs any fear that they have, for you "did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." (2 Tim 1:7)!  Give them peeace that passes all understanding and unspeakable joy through YOU!  Lord, we give You the glory!
Amen

LATER TODAY....
Nolan's tests came back negative for cancer!!! Yay!!!  They still have a long road ahead as they are pretty sure they will have to operate to remove it (which will mean taking bone out of his hip, and since it is close to his heart, it is a delicate surgery).  Continuing to pray, knowing that GOD is in control and HE will get the glory!