Changing an Ugly Heart

DAY 2 at EDEN’S ORPHANAGE

 Today was a different day.  One filled with tears, but knowing God is doing a work in me.  Today reminded me of my sinful nature and my struggle with my flesh.

When we got to the orphanage today the kids were not there.  We got to play again with the village kids who came to play outside of the orphanage.  The kids did not show up when they were supposed to, the school held them longer (when we were driving in we saw them outside their school lugging wood, so we thought that the school was putting them to work?).  So we “adjusted” (insert pull rubber band here;)) our schedule.  We all gathered to do praise music and learn some moves and it was a fun and sweet time.  The kids taught us some songs and when we sang Amazing Grace they sang it in Swahili too.  It was so touching being able to praise together!  After music we did the Bible lesson all together.  Rica and Katie taught on the Story of the Loaves and Fish.  I have read this story, I have taught this story, and today God gave me new ears to truly hear this in a different way than ever!  All of our team was crying as she was bringing the Truth.  She had a basket and passed it around with goldfish.  I wish I had gotten it on video because it was beyond touching.  God was speaking through her!

Meet my sisters in Christ Eunice and Mary.......

 

After we played with the children we packed up to go and headed to a little shop on our way to where we are staying.  The people were definitely “sales” people and quoted really high prices, but in most cases we were able to get the price down close to where we wanted to pay.  After I bought a few things I stepped outside to look at the view of the mountains.  One of the “salesmen” came up to me and a few of the gals and asked if we had a Bible he could have.  At first it was cool and I wanted to give him one.  As I was walking to the car I heard a different sales man asking another one of our team members for a Bible, and then I heard another man ask, then another.  I immediately perked up, and INSTEAD of thinking, “God You are awesome!  Help us minister to these men.”  I thought more along the lines of, “They are just trying to get free Bibles so they can sell them and make money.”  WOW!  Was that me?  Was that MY thoughts?  Yes, yes, it was.  I completely lost that opportunity to minister to these men and show them God’s love!  I missed it!  I missed the “opportunity” God gave me (Col 4:5-6).  So what if they were to sell those Bibles, God is bigger and has a purpose for everything.  I could have given him my Bible and bought a new one for myself, easily!  My heart broke over this tonight as I realized that my heart was hard tonight when I responded to these men!  I have been praying for God to break my heart for what breaks His- and HE is doing so!  What did I do that broke God’s heart?  I was selfish and prideful and wasted a God-given opportunity to love on others and give them YOUR Word!!  THAT breaks His heart!  I am thankful that God loves me and forgives me and that He is working in my life!  Thank YOU, Jesus that “He who began a good work in you (me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”- Phil 1:6

Today I have also been under attack.  In areas I have struggled before, satan  is whispering sweet, smooth LIES in my ear!  Yesterday and today I struggled in fighting against these lies.  I am choosing to “ take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ”- 2 Cor 10:5  I know that I have victory through Jesus  (1 Cor 15:57), that I am a new creation in Christ (2 Cor 5:17), and that God is crazy about me (the Bible!!)!

 Thankful for a broken and renewed heart. Thankful that God does not require me to be perfect, but it is by grace!  Thankful for God’s love and forgiveness, for family back home whom I greatly miss, for friends, for the opportunity to do God’s work,  for the people of Kenya and the numerous children and orphans here and all over the world, for contagious smiles, for loving hugs, for YOUR WORD, that is living and active, shaper than any double edged sword!  I am thankful that I do not have to "change" on my own power, but it is through God's power!!!!

I am truly realizing how much I need Africa more than Africa needs me!  God is using this opportunity in a way that I did not see coming!

(8/7/2012 at 5:05pm central, 1:05 Kenya time)