It has been over two weeks since we have been back from Kenya. I was overwhelmed with love from Chris and Curtis and Kiley when I returned! I cannot even put into words what I felt when I saw them and they all gave me hugs and kisses.... overwhelming love and joy doesn't even describe it, knowing how truly blessed I am!
Since I have been back, my emotions at times seem pretty raw. The faces of many of the children, their stories, the pain, the redemption, the needs, I pray I will never forget!! I want to talk about my trip, but I feel like I am still processing so much I cannot even put it into words. I want to pack everyone up and move to Africa!
Right now my emotions range from joy, gratefulness, excitement, to saddness, frustration, impatience and anger. God is working on me so much right now, having to fully rely on HIM, knowing that there is a purpose for everything and HE is breaking my heart over and over- which, though painful, I know is a good thing.
When I see people being mistreated or pushed to the side (or worse, when I see myself doing this), when I look in the mirror and see that I have been a stumbling block for someone else or have hurt someone, when I find myself caring too much about what others think or how I look, when I see parents teaching their children things that are far from God's truth, when I look into my life and the lives of this nation and see the frivilous spending and materialism while so many go without the basic necessities, when I see a hurting child, when I stumble with something I thought I was "over", and so much more.
Right now is the beginning of football season, and my emotions are everywhere with this. It is fun to cheer for a team, and I like being with my hunny watching together! But when I see a stadium full of people jumping up and down and screaming for a team ... and then watch people just going through the motions as they praise the ONLY ONE worthy of PRAISE, my heart begines to rip!!! Not that there is anything wrong with getting excited about a team, but can't we, as Christians be more excited about God? We should be jumping up and down, raising our hands, on our faces, PRAISING the great I AM! God always reminds me that HE sees into the heart, but what is in the heart should be SPILLING out!!!! I am so thankful for God picking me up and saving me from myself I want to jump up and down and praise HIM for His faithfulness! HE is worthy of undignified praise (2 Sam 6:21-22)! Father forgive me for the times I have let fear of judgement keep me from praising you even when I might "look" silly. Praying that I will let go of all fear of judgement from others and worship with uncontained joy- let what is IN MY HEART spill over in my outward praise!!!!!
Sometimes my emotions are ugly, raw, and overwhelming. And I lift these up, give them to God, to DO something with them- change me, use them for His glory, or whatever He desires. I know that HIS way is perfect (Psalm 18:30) and I am thankful that HE is not done with me yet (Phil 1:6). He is molding me, making this "mess" into a beautiful masterpiece (Eph 2:10)! THANK YOU JESUS!
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